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Finance in Paradise CS
Desiree Lanz - Creators Sydnicate
FINANCE IN PARADISE
Approaching money matters with openness and respect in marriage
Desiree Lanz - word count 876
Managing finances may not be the first thing that comes to mind when falling in love and starting a life together. But as love and commitment grow and day-to-day financial realities arise, how can couples cooperate in harmony?
"The single most important question for couples concerns their underlying attitudes about money, and it's very hard for couples to talk about this because sometimes they are not aware of their beliefs," says Hara Estroff Marano, editor-at-large of Psychology Today. "And if they are, they almost always feel their beliefs are correct."
Money issues are deeply bound with feelings of security, Marano says, and these are so deep that people feel threatened when even thinking about them.
She adds that money is an arena in which power and control dynamics, which are very hard for couples to face openly, also play out.
"The healthiest approach, independent of who earns how much, is for there to be a joint marital pot that covers all essential expenses and then some," she says. "If there is more left over from their incomes, they need to agree on how that is apportioned."
The dynamics of each couple can vastly differ based on personal experiences, upbringing and relationship with money, says Dr. Hillary Goldsher, Psy.D, MBA. "But often couples seem to struggle with the balance of earning and spending over the course of marriage. Perhaps couples start with an agreement about who will work and bring in the money, who will stay home with kids and what the relative mindset is about spending. But sometimes feelings about that change. Maybe the husband, who once agreed to be the sole breadwinner, finds himself resentful and wants relief and support. Maybe the stay-at-home wife now wants to work. And maybe how to spend money, such as practical purchases versus luxury purchases, changes over time for couples too. This should be expected.
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